People Prefer to Say Yes to Those That They Like

 

 

“I use to take pride

in being likable

A master of disguise

A one size fits all”

 

from Likable by Maryann Samreth

 

 

In a recent chat on LinkedIn, there was a debate whether leaders should try to be liked or not. The initial debate was between “liked” and “successful,” with the conclusion that the better leader is successful, not liked. The underlying assumption, of course, was that it is an either/or.

 

I would like to make the case that a leader that is liked is also more likely to be successful; and the opposite, a leader that is disliked is more likely to be unsuccessful.

 

If we like each other, we are influenced by each other. In other words, liking is a channel of influence. In short, “people prefer to say yes to those that they like.” (Influence At Work)

 

If we dislike each other, we are likely to view the other person as wrong and stupid, or both – even if they’re smart.

 

There is an argument that it is not about being liked, but rather being likable. What is the difference? Kevin Kruse states it as such: "… just act likable, and be unattached to whether you are actually liked or not… I remember that my need to be liked is coming from a place of ego and that a truly selfless act is to focus on the pursuit of my company’s mission and goals, within the confines of my values.”

This makes sense to me. Someone whose only goal is to be liked is doing it for very selfish reasons.

 

But it is easy to be likable, because what are the steps we can take to be liked? Well, they have nothing to do with brown-nosing or ignoring your opinions. They are common courtesies we often tend to forget about.

·       Find common ground. We like people who are like us.

·       Give. People feel obliged to give back to others in the form of a behavior, gift, or service that they have received first.

·       Be an Authority. People follow the lead of credible, knowledgeable experts.

·       Give genuine compliments. We like people who like us.

·       Cooperate. We like people who collaborate to achieve shared goals.

·       Help. We like people who help us.

 

 

Or, as Carey Nieuwhof puts it: “Just because you’re leading people to a place they would not naturally go doesn’t mean you have to abandon grace, humility, kindness, forgiveness, or mercy. In fact, the more you embrace characteristics like mercy, kindness, forgiveness, grace, and humility, the more effective you will be at leading change.”

 

Harvard Business Review published a study where the authors concluded: “The results are very clear – there is no harm in being liked by your subordinates, and our research certainly suggests that it is part of being viewed as an effective leader.

This means that well-liked leaders can expect subordinates to consider them as authentic, transformational, ethical, and not abusive. Likewise, teams who like their leaders will be happier at work, go above and beyond what is required of them, experience greater well-being, and perform at a higher level.”

So, be a leader people like.

 

 

Find out how interim or fractional sales leaders perform in this area.

 

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Influence At Work - Principles of Persuasion

Kevin Kruse - Successful Leaders are Likeable, Not Liked

Carey Nieuwhof - 3 Hard But Powerful Truths About Likeability and Leadership

HBR - Why Likable Leaders Seem More Effective

 Photo by Anne Gosewehr