Thank You
You Can Never Say Thank You Enough
“Of thanks to requite her
No least thought is hers,--
And therefore I write her,
Once, thanks in a verse.”
from Thanks by Henrik Ibsen
It was again another author that gave me the inspiration for an article, The Boost of Positivity by Selling Power. He wrote under the header “Thanks” the following:
“How long is the list of people to whom you owe thanks? Gratitude is not just a once-a-year expression used during Thanksgiving, performance appraisals, or annual meetings. It's a daily necessity for sales professionals whose goal it is to provide value for as many people as possible. Start counting the number of people to whom you give a sincere and meaningful thanks each day. If it's fewer than five people, start making an effort to look for opportunities to thank more people every day. You might even be lifted up by getting thanks in return.”
Considering the threshold of five, and from the perspective of a sales professional, I started a list of people that I need to show gratitude to regularly:
Spouse
Parent
Child
Personal trainer
Barber
Business partner
Customer
Internal customer
Co-worker
Flight attendant
Nurse
Server
….
And this just scratches the surface. As sales professionals and any other profession for that matter, we have many people and many reasons to say, “Thank You.”
However, there are surveys that suggest that not enough people say “Thanks” in the office. Only 10% of adults say “Thanks” to a colleague every day, and just 7% express gratitude daily to a boss, says research by the Society for Human Resource Management (SHRM). If the question were, “Do you frequently thank your colleagues for a job well done?” the percentage is higher (40%) …but still nowhere near a majority. And well below what I would have expected.
And there are many other authors and studies that confirm that we do not say “Thank You” often enough, not only in business but also in a setting of family and friends. Jennifer Schuessler wrote in The New York Times: “But as it turns out, human beings say thank you far less often than we might think. A study of everyday language use around the world has found that, in informal settings, people almost always complied with requests for an object, service, or help. For their efforts, they received expressions of gratitude only rarely — in about one of 20 occasions.”
While this 5% is even lower than the above numbers in an office setting, it can be explained. We operate on the principle of reciprocity. When we ask people to help us, the default is that they will. People signal the need for assistance frequently: about every minute and a half, according to researchers. And they usually get it: Requests were complied with about seven times more often than not.
Another reason lies in culture and language. Again, Jennifer Schuessler: “[There are] … some variations across languages. Speakers of English and Italian verbalized thanks significantly more often than speakers of the other languages sampled [e.g., Polish, Russian, Lao], but still quite infrequently — in only one of seven instances where a request was complied with.”
Researchers attribute this “high” of 14% to what they call a strong ideology of politeness in Western cultures. This doesn’t mean, however, that English or Italian speakers are more grateful. Because expressing gratitude and actually feeling gratitude is not the same thing. Saying “Thank you” may just seem foundational to English speakers, while many other languages lack a direct equivalent of that simple phrase.
This presents a particular challenge for anyone who crosses cultural divides. In US-India cross-cultural training, Authentic Journeys provides this advice: “When anyone asks me what is the #1 tip they can apply today in communicating and relationship building with their US counterpart, this is my answer. … Maybe in Indians eyes, saying 'thank you' is understood without being said. I have even been told the phrase 'thank you' may not come in some Indian languages or if it is the language, it's not used as frequently as you would hear it in the U.S. In American's eyes, however, if it is not said, it is considered rude.”
Saying "Thank You" and showing gratitude is important in American culture! And saying it, as well as receiving it, has a multitude of positive effects:
In a state of gratitude, we say yes to life.
We affirm that all in all, life is good and has elements that make worth living and rich in texture.
Gratitude also is recognizing that some of the sources of this goodness lie outside the self.
Gratitude is a selfless act. Its acts are done unconditionally to show to people that they are appreciated.
Courtney E. Ackerman provides the historical perspective: "The state of being grateful is a pleasant experience studied by philosophers in ancient times. … For at least 2,000 years, intellectuals have been considering the important role gratitude plays in daily life. Ancient and not-so-ancient philosophers, such as Cicero, Seneca, and Adam Smith, preached the importance of giving thanks. Cicero and Seneca thought of gratitude as a key virtue foundational to any successful civilization.”
Thank you, Courtney. I couldn't agree more.
Contact us to find out what we are thankful for.
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Authentic Journeys – Ways to Say Thank You or Acknowledge Someone
Ken Makovsky – The ‘Thank You’ Culture
Jennifer Schuessler – Think You Always Say Thank You? Oh, Please
Courtney E. Ackerman – What is Gratitude and Why Is It So Important?
Photo by Anne Gosewehr