Self-Reflection

Meditation or Serious Thought About One's Character, Actions, and Motives

“The unexamined life is not worth living.”

Socrates

If we reverse the phrase attributed to Socrates, it reads something like ‘self-reflection makes life worth living.’

The Leadership Freak states why that is so true: “Healthy self-reflection reveals self-distortion, self-delusion, self-inflation, or self-condemnation. Fantasy is great as an escape, but a lousy lifestyle. You must know who you are in order to make meaningful contribution. Fantasy might succeed, but lack of authenticity sucks satisfaction from life.”

With a little bit of data, Courtney E. Ackerman supports the importance: “Researchers have shown that we think more than 50,000 thoughts per day, of which more than half are negative and more than 90% are just repeats from the day before.

If you don’t make the time and effort to refocus your mind on the positive through introspection, you won’t give yourself the opportunity to grow and develop.

Enhancing our ability to understand ourselves and our motivations and to learn more about our own values helps us take the power away from the distractions of our modern, fast-paced lives and instead refocus on fulfillment.”

The process of introspection can be formal and informal. The latter, the informal reflection, is the examining of one’s own internal thoughts and feelings - and reflecting on their meaning. The process is focused on either a current experience or one from the very recent past.

The formal experimental technique is a more objective and standardized version of this. People train themselves to carefully analyze the contents of their own thoughts in a way that's as unbiased as possible.

Self-reflection is impactful. Knowing yourself will help to strengthen your knowledge and won’t allow you to get pulled by feelings so easily. So, here are a few reasons to practice self-reflection:

1. Pattern recognition – If for most of our life, we have not spent time on self-reflection, the result is unrecognized self-defeating patterns.

2. Slows us down – It is inherently built into the process of self-reflection, and in our fast-paced life’s that’s a good thing.

3. Gaining perspective – Emotions can cloud our judgment, problems, and issues seem bigger than they really are.

4. Self-awareness - Meaningful contribution requires that we know the power of our talent and the defeat of our weakness.

5. Improved decision making - Clarity of thought and awareness of our true values allows us to make decisions that put us on the most optimal path to greater well-being.

6. Clarity of thought – After introspection, our mind is not clouded anymore.

7. Correction – We may realize it is time to apologize for words spoken or an action taken. And if we don’t like ourselves, let’s change and not do it again.

8. Improved performance – Research demonstrates that employees in call centers who spent 15 minutes at the end of the day reflecting about lessons learned performed 23% better after ten days than those who did not reflect. (Di Stefano, Gino, et al.)

9. Authenticity – Self-reflection leads to feelings like discomfort, vulnerability, defensiveness, and irritation. That might be the real us.

10. Integrity - Having a clear understanding of what values we deem most important puts them at the forefront of our minds and strengthens our decisions.

11. ROI – It may not be immediately visible to us, but there is a return, think of the call center example above…

12. Better sleep – Self-reflection brings closure to some unresolved issues.

Ackerman provides us with some guidance to self-reflect in a healthy way: “To help stay on the right path with your self-reflection, consider asking more ‘what’ questions than ‘why questions. ‘Why’ questions can highlight our limitations and stir up negative emotions, while ‘what’ questions help keep us curious and positive about the future.”

And in closing, I am sharing her 70 questions to use when self-reflecting, uncommented and as food for thought:

1. Am I using my time wisely?

2. Am I taking anything for granted?

3. Am I employing a healthy perspective?

4. Am I living true to myself?

5. Am I waking up in the morning ready to take on the day?

6. Am I thinking of negative thoughts before I fall asleep?

7. Am I putting enough effort into my relationships?

8. Am I taking care of myself physically?

9. Am I letting matters that are out of my control stress me out?

10. Am I achieving the goals that I’ve set for myself?

11. Who am I, really?

12. What worries me most about the future?

13. If this were the last day of my life, would I have the same plans for today?

14. What am I really scared of?

15. Am I holding on to something I need to let go of?

16. If not now, then when?

17. What matters most in my life?

18. What am I doing about the things that matter most in my life?

19. Why do I matter?

20. Have I done anything lately that’s worth remembering?

21. Have I made someone smile today?

22. What have I given up on?

23. When did I last push the boundaries of my comfort zone?

24. If I had to instill one piece of advice in a newborn baby, what advice would I give?

25. What small act of kindness was I once shown that I will never forget?

26. How will I live, knowing I will die?

27. What do I need to change about myself?

28. Is it more important to love or be loved?

29. How many of my friends would I trust with my life?

30. Who has had the greatest impact on my life?

31. Would I break the law to save a loved one?

32. Would I steal to feed a starving child?

33. What do I want most in life?

34. What is life asking of me?

35. Which is worse: failing or never trying?

36. If I try to fail and succeed, what have I done?

37. What’s the one thing I’d like others to remember about me at the end of my life?

38. Does it really matter what others think about me?

39. To what degree have I actually controlled the course of my life?

40. When all is said and done, what will I have said more than I’ve done?

41. My favorite way to spend the day is . . .

42. If I could talk to my teenage self, the one thing I would say is . . .

43. The two moments I’ll never forget in my life are . . . (Describe them in great detail, and what makes them so unforgettable.)

44. Make a list of 30 things that make you smile.

45. Write about a moment experienced through your body. Making love, making breakfast, going to a party, having a fight, an experience you’ve had, or you imagine for your character. Leave out thought and emotion, and let all information be conveyed through the body and senses.

46. The words I’d like to live by are . . .

47. I couldn’t imagine living without . . .

48. When I’m in pain—physical or emotional—the kindest thing I can do for myself is . . .

49. Make a list of the people in your life who genuinely support you, and whom you can genuinely trust. Then, make time to hang out with them.

50. What does unconditional love look like for you?

51. What things would you do if you loved yourself unconditionally? How can you act on these things, even if you’re not yet able to love yourself unconditionally?

52. I really wish others knew this about me . . .

53. Name what is enough for you.

54. If my body could talk, it would say . . .

55. Name a compassionate way you’ve supported a friend recently. Then, write down how you can do the same for yourself.

56. What do you love about life?

57. What always brings tears to your eyes?

58. Write about a time when your work felt real, necessary and satisfying to you, whether the work was paid or unpaid, professional or domestic, physical or mental.

59. Write about your first love—whether it’s a person, place or thing.

60. Using 10 words, describe yourself.

61. What’s surprised you the most about your life or life in general?

62. What can you learn from your biggest mistakes?

63. I feel most energized when . . .

64. Write a list of questions to which you urgently need answers.

65. Make a list of everything that inspires you—whether books, websites, quotes, people, paintings, stores, or stars in the sky.

66. What’s one topic you need to learn more about to help you live a more fulfilling life? (Then, follow through and learn more about that topic.)

67. I feel happiest in my skin when . . .

68. Make a list of everything you’d like to say no to.

69. Make a list of everything you’d like to say yes to.

70. Write the words you need to hear.