Uncoachable!

Is the Person Borderline or Truly Impossible to Coach?

“Uncoachable kids become unemployable adults.

Let your kids get used to someone being tough on them.

It’s life, get over it.”

Patrick Murphy, Alabama Softball

Labeling someone as uncoachable and suddenly realizing they are implementing something you spoke to them about.
Feeling really good about a coaching session, only to learn later that it was all in vain.

I have experienced both, as well as a third scenario described by Mark Voorsanger:

“In real life, nobody’s 100% this or that. … There are certain times and places where I can feel utterly uncoachable.

That means I’ll always have opportunities to improve – to build my awareness and refocus my intentions going forward. I hope you’ll join me. For in the final analysis, being coachable is what gives us the true keys to the kingdom: The courage and capacity to grow.”

Whether we look at others, or ourselves, whether we coach or look for coaching, there are commonalities when someone is uncoachable. Here are a few traits to look for:

· The person is in desperate need of coaching but insists that they don't need it.

· The person is arrogant and, at the same time, underwhelming in their performance.

· The person is a know-it-all. With that, there is nothing left to examine.

· The person is quick to talk back or insist they know exactly what they're doing.

· The person feels entitled; they take what they have for granted.

· The person never fails, never takes responsibility, always blames others for any imperfection.

· The person always has a convenient excuse for all of their shortcomings.

· The person quickly becomes defensive, and as such, becomes impervious to feedback.

· The person is too hard-headed even to listen, let alone absorb any of the advice given.

Jay Fuchs sums it up well for a sales scenario: “Truly uncoachable reps are impossible to get through to because they simply don't want to be coached. ... An uncoachable rep might be running into one or more of those problems — among others — but have no intention of letting you help them figure them out. And changing someone who's struggling while insisting they're doing everything right can be borderline impossible.”

Borderline or truly impossible?

Saying that someone is uncoachable is a serious conclusion, especially when employment and someone’s livelihood is on the line. Hence, Jenn Lofgren suggests taking a look at a few areas first:

Understanding What Motivates Your Employee

Your employee might not be responding to your coaching because they are driven by different motivators than the goals and motivators you’ve set for your team. Initiate conversations to learn about what your employees want and what motivates them -- and ultimately, create an environment where they feel safe to share this with you.

Build Trust Early

Talk about your relationship and feelings right from the beginning, not just tasks, by asking about your employee's story or experience. Stop only talking about the work and start building a trusting relationship with your employee. Get to know your team members and have regular one-on-one meetings.

Start Giving Feedback Early

When you give feedback, offer it as information for the person to consider what they want to do with it. If needed, give them a few days to think about it, and then they can come back and discuss what their next steps should be. If they don't accept the feedback, don't force it on them.

Set Clear Expectations and Guardrails

And ask them what support they need to meet those expectations.

Create A Team Bond

Helping your team bond with one another can also build trust. Some tools, such as personality assessments, can encourage these connections. Consider implementing programs that open up vulnerable conversations as well.

Jenn also provides great advice to the leader: “As a leader, keep working on your ability to give effective feedback. Ask curious questions. Assume employees are doing the very best they can (even if they’re missing the mark), and practice being vulnerable in relationships with employees by sharing your thoughts and feelings, not just facts.

As a leader, it’s your responsibility to have greater accountability in the relationship, so look inward and assess your own coaching skills so you can coach others in a way that they will be motivated to respond.”

And what do you do if a person is truly uncoachable?

Don’t let the negative behavior go on forever. Do everything you can to test if the person can be coached, and then move on when necessary. Time doesn’t make things better -- only action does.

__________________

Jay Fuchs - A Sales Manager’s Guide to Coaching Reps that Seem Uncoachable

Mark Voorsanger - The Seven Habits of Highly Un/Coachable People

Jenn Lofgren - How to Coach An Uncoachable Employee

Photo by Anne Gosewehr